he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Randomize
