I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
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