You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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