Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize