I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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