Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
