His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
