My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
