There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
