fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Randomize
