looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
