sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
