I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
