If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
