In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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