we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
