i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
