uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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