butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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