yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
