I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
