Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
