Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
