i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
