..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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