Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
