Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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