I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
