so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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