Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
