my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
There was a lot of him and a little penis
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
