i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Is it because I queefed?
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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