He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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