All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
