I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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