He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
