i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
