I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
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