he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
