Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
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