I just saw a hot homeless man
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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