i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
