Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
be right there i have to get my cape
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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