Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
