Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Less talking, more tequila
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Randomize
