I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
