My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
