There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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