I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
