I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
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