I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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