His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
