there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
