Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize