when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
