Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
