you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
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