he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
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