your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
