so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
