I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
